


Those Broken Roads

by InkWitch (serkestic)



Category: Secret Circle - L. J. Smith
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serkestic/pseuds/InkWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Re-posted fanfiction from FF.net. Adam/Diana followed by Cassie/Nick</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_The bond starts to break…_

 

"Cassie!" Adam called her, climbing up the stairs to Diana's room. The door was closed. He cautiously pushed it open and whispered, peering in, "Cassie?" 

A brown haired girl with caramel highlights in her curls lay sleeping on a couch, an older-looking girl cradling her head on her lap. The older-looking girl was sleeping as well, her head lolling on the head rest of the couch, her sunlight hair spilling over her shoulders. They both had content happy smiles on their faces. The younger girl's hand was curled towards the older one's hand; the latter had another hand resting protectively on the former's body. 

Adam swallowed. Diana's face looked so… beautiful. She had a happy peaceful look on her face: one she always wore when she was near a loved one. She used to wear it when she was near him. Used to… 

And now whenever she was near him she'd have masked fear and sorrow lurking in the green depths of her eyes. The love she felt for both of them, her younger adopted 'sister' Cassie and her ex-boyfriend, himself, it surpassed everything in her. She had stood aside to let Cassie and Adam share their clandestine love. To share their soul-mate bond. 

Then why did he feel so miserable when he saw her? He longed to see that familiar twinkle in her eye whenever she looked up at him; a soft-spoken whisper of love that went unshared vocally, but which was secretly acknowledged by both. He longed to hear the sound of her delighted laughter whenever she saw him or heard one of his lame attempts at jokes. He longed to hold her close to him and tell her that everything was going to be fine, that he was here, that she never had to be sad, ever. 

But he couldn't. She would never let him. Because he was supposed to love her 'little sister'. 

But he didn't even know now if he loved Cassie or not. Yes, he loved her and cared for her, but nowadays he'd been more and more concerned about Diana than Cassie. How different it all was barely a few months ago. He had loved both the girls and had thought of them on equal levels. But he had always somehow felt that he and Cassie were meant to be. What he didn't understand was why now he felt that he loved Diana somehow more than Cassie. 

Diana's eyes opened to reveal to clear pools of green. The two pairs of eyes stared into each other, stormy-blue and fresh forest green. For one second the green contained surprise and pure love and the blue reflected the emotions; then a split-second later, pain blossomed in the dark green eyes. The delicately pale eye-lids shut briefly to hide the green orbs and reopened to show a forced calm. 

"I'll wake her," she murmured softly as her eyes turned away from him towards the girl on her lap. He suddenly felt something hurting inside him. "Cassie, sweetheart, wake up" she breathed, shaking the girl gently. Cassie mumbled in her sleep and turned slightly, burying her face in Diana's lap. Diana sighed and shook her gently again. "Cassie, Adam's here," she said, slightly more firmly. 

Cassie wriggled and mumbled "five minutes" before resuming her deep breathing. Diana chuckled bemusedly and looked up… and stopped laughing. Again, raw pain filled her eyes and the two held one second staring at each other. Then she looked away and gently placed Cassie on the couch, carefully getting up so as not to wake her. She pushed past Adam, muttering, "I'll go get breakfast." 

Adam stood stock still. He looked at Cassie's sleeping form for a few seconds before walking over to her and sitting beside her, gently stroking her hair. He traced her cheek with his index finger and then sighed heavily. "I love you Cassie," he whispered to the sleeping girl. "I love you but I love Diana too. What should I do?" He got no answer. He wasn't expecting one. He got up and went downstairs into the kitchen. Diana was bending over the stove, increasing the gas, and her curtain of light hair hid her face. She straightened up and flipped the pan with a well practiced hand. She started to pour syrup on the pancake, and then she spotted him. 

The usual pain flooded her eyes but she was quicker this time. She smiled brightly at him. 

"Hi Adam." Her voice was neutral. 

"Diana." He nodded. Unfortunately, his tone wasn't as effective. Worry colored her face. 

"Is something wrong…?" She was interrupted by the loud ringing of the phone. She shot the pancake a desperate look; understanding what she meant, Adam walked over to her and took the pan out of her hand. He smiled tightly and said, "You can get the phone now." Diana peered at him cautiously before running lightly into the hall. Adam heard her pick the phone up and answer with a light "Hello. Meade residence." 

He flipped the pancake. Diana laughed softly. He tried to concentrate on the pan. "It's quite alright." She said to the caller. She laughed again, this time a bit amused. He flipped the pan again; the pancake went up and came down on his face. He yelled loudly. 

Immediately, Diana came rushing back to the kitchen. When she saw him on the floor, clutching his face, she gasped. 

"Adam, are you alright?" He groaned at her rhetorical question. 

"Fine. The pancake was too hot, that's all." He muttered, still holding his face. Diana laughed and gently pried his fingers away from his face. She slowly bent to see his wounds. "Come on, let me see…" she muttered. Adam let his fingers fall from his face. Diana gently probed the side of his face. Her hair fell into curtains on either side of her face, its tresses reaching her elbows. They were very close to each other, but only Adam noticed; Diana was concentrating on examining his injuries. 

He stared at Diana, whose eyes were concernedly surveying the red splotch on the side of his face. "Hmm," he heard her murmur to herself "minor damage. I think my crystals can heal it completely. But I don't know if I have enough power… hmm, it'll have to do." Then she unconsciously brought her eyes back to meet his. 

Her breath caught in her throat. Bewilderment filled her eyes as she continued to stare into his storm filled ones: she knew she should move away but she couldn't. Adam's eyes somehow found themselves fixated on her rose-colored lips. Diana continued to gaze at him until a forbidden whisper trickled into her: " _Cassie_ …" 

She jerked out of her trance instantaneously. _Was this how you felt Cassie, when you were the one hiding your feelings?_ She thought wryly. She stood up abruptly and left the room saying "I'll treat your wound now." 

Adam felt as if he'd been slapped in the face. He stared after Diana, completely baffled by what had taken place between them. For a second there, it was as if Cassie had never come. For a slight moment, he was still in love Diana and only her. What just happened? He shook his head in confusion. Diana reentered the room, a smile fixedly forced onto her face, her eyes averted. She cleared her throat. "Please stand up." 

Adam obeyed her mutely. She hesitantly drew close to him and pressed an ice-pack to his face. She closed her eyes as if needing to concentrate to withdraw her magic; but it was a façade. Diana was trained in healing. She never needed to draw her power; it was there all the time. Closing her eyes was just so that she wouldn't have to look at him. And Adam knew that. He stood still, silently examining her beautiful face, while she remained holding the pack to his injury, eyes closed, head bent. After a few minutes she drew away. She stepped back at least 5 feet and then opened her eyes to look at him. Her eyes pointedly probed the side of his face, evading his eyes. She nodded satisfactorily, "There. You're okay." She smiled and turned away from him undoubtedly about to leave once more. 

"Diana." The sound of her name uttered by him stopped her dead in her tracks. Adam watched her freeze. She turned rigidly and smiled in a detached manner. "Yes?" she enquired warily. Adam continued to look at her, drinking her in. In two steps he moved forward so that he was only a few inches away from her. 

Diana gasped at his abrupt closeness. She made to move back but Adam grabbed her by her arms to hold her in place. Unwillingly, she dragged her eyes up. "What are you doing?" she whispered softly. Her heart was thudding in her chest; it hurt. He leaned forward; she leaned back. "I love you." He admitted in a broken voice. Diana's heart seemed to freeze and then continue its rhythmic thumping. 

She shook her head vehemently. "You can't love me. You love Cassie. You're her soul mate." She argued, her own words ripping and shredding her heart. He nodded in agreement; he leaned closer. Diana's breath caught in her throat as she stared up at him with wide eyes: she could see every fleck of silver and grey and black in his blue eyes. "But I love you too. I can't help it…" he murmured. This time, Diana was speechless. She couldn't utter a single sound. "All this while," he continued brokenly "All this time, ever since you gave me to her… I can't stop thinking about you. I was happy, ecstatic, when I thought that I would be able to love Cassie without hurting you… without going behind your back. But now…" He drew a deep breath. 

"I don't know what's happening. I can still feel our bond, Cassie and mine. But for some reason… it's not pulling me to her as usual. It's like… it's like it's weakening. I feel as if the bond is breaking. I still love Cassie… a lot" She never thought words could hurt her this much. 

"But," he continued "But I don't think about her all the time. I…I think about you." He finished. He looked into Diana's green eyes sadly. She gazed back. 

"Diana, I just want to know if you still love me." But how could she speak the truth? How could she hurt her own little sister… her best friend? She was not the type to betray the one she loved. But… how can she lie? Diana looked at him silently. He looked at her for a while and then let go. Taking a step back, just allowing a little space in between them, he asked "Diana, do you love me?" 

He got no answer. He started to feel his chest hurting again. "Do you still love me?" he asked once more. 

She was silent. 

"Do you still love me?" he repeated, plead and desperation cracking into his tone. Pain and frustration flashed into her grass-colored eyes. "I…" She couldn't go on. Oh, for the life of her, she couldn't go on. 

"Diana…" 

"Adam, I…" 

"Morning!" Cassie bounced into the room, her face fresh and clean. Adam and Diana jumped back a little: Diana took over efficiently. 

"Good morning, lazy bones." She grinned at Cassie. Cassie grinned at her before going over to Adam and smiling up at him. "Morning Adam." She leaned forward to give him a light kiss on his cheek. He remained frozen. Cassie didn't seem to notice: she merely sat down at the table and started eating her pancakes. "Good morning Cassie." Adam replied after a while, very softly. 

His eyes flashed up to meet Diana's. Her look was clear. 

 _I can't hurt her._  

He understood.

* * *

 

 _Let the chains go…_  

The waves crashed down on the beach. A light breeze played tag with the leaves of the trees. She watched the withered excuse of life flutter down to the ground. Tenderly she plucked the dry brown leaf from the ground and inspected it carefully. The veins made an intricate pattern on the leaf, the edges soft but jagged. 

"Diana?" She turned at the sound of her name. Diana smiled at Cassie as she came towards her, followed by her two other friends Laurel Quincey and Melanie Glaser. They were all smiling happily at her. She smiled back. By the amount of training she was getting, pretty soon she could be an accomplished actress. 

"Hey." 

"We were going to go to the mall. You want to come with?" Laurel said brightly. 

She shook her head in response. "I just want to stay at home today, okay?" Cassie and Laurel looked at her for a few seconds before shrugging and making their way to the garage where their car was; Melanie stayed behind to stand beside her. "Diana, are you alright?" Melanie asked, not looking at her friend. Diana was inspecting the leaf again.

"I'm fine." She replied neutrally. But she knew it wouldn't fool Melanie. Although Cassie was her best friend, Melanie was her oldest friend and knew everything about her; she could understand her signals. 

"Right." Melanie said dryly. The two girls stood side by side with each other, the fair one gazing at the leaf in her hand, her friend staring up at the sky. Diana sighed after a while. "You know I'm lying…" 

"Yeah." Melanie smiled at her. Diana laughed but then turned quiet. "Mel…I'm glad I let Adam and Cassie be together. But sometimes I feel…" 

"Jealous?" her friend applied a sardonic smile curving her lips. Diana smiled sadly. 

"Yes." 

"We knew it would be hard. You can hang on. You're strong enough." 

"I know." Diana answered quietly. A breeze blew over them, playing with the two girls' hair. The trees' soft whisper seemed to echo Diana's mind " _I wish…wish…wish…_ " 

"I just wish I was sure about this." She finished softly. Melanie stayed quiet. So did she. 

The two girls remained standing, linking hands, one comforting the other.

* * *

 

Adam had been spending a lot of time alone nowadays. The place he went to escape was a small corner in the woods, tucked away out of sight. It was a very small clearing with a tiny rickety shed built a little on the side. He had built a fire a few feet away from the shed, right in the middle of the clearing, and pulled up logs to align the fire, as seats. He now sat on one of them, gazing up at the stars overhead. His mind was totally blanked except for random things like "It's really cold tonight" or "Hmm, what was that?" or "I love this place no one knows about it except me." But he suddenly remembered that someone else did know about his hide-out; the very person who had helped him make it. His childhood best friend. His childhood sweetheart. Diana. 

Thinking about her very name set off a whirl of emotions and memories in Adam. He remembered when they were about 8-years-old, eating ice-creams. Diana's favorite flavors were chocolate and ripple. And then when they were making and playing with kites. Diana had always made hers with a white shirt and given them colorful tails. And when they had played hide-and-seek and she had gotten lost. She was hiding under a bush by which he had walked past twenty-six times without knowing she was there. And when they had made this, their 'secret hide-out'; they were only 10 back then. They had spent day after day, pulling and pushing the logs in place, cleaning up the shed so that they could store a few things there without being afraid of maggots and so on and on. Everything, everywhere, she was there. She was always woven in here and there, always a part of his memories. The picture of her smile seemed to be pasted to his mind's eye. 

"I knew you would be here." Her voice called out, a smile plainly heard in it. Adam turned to the sound of her voice; she was standing at the edge of the clearing, watching him, smiling. When he turned to look at her, she came forward to stand in the firelight. She was wearing a light beige colored shirt and some grey flannel trousers, her hair hanging loose around her shoulders. She smiled at him. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He was puzzled. 

"I needed to explain something. To me and to you." She replied. She was scared. He nodded and gestured at the log in front of him. She sat down gingerly, as if unsure of how to proceed. "It's really cold out." She said, avoiding the main reason she was here. She rubbed her arms, looking away from Adam as he watched her intently. He got up; that caught her attention. He walked over to the shed and took out a big dark jacket from somewhere and walked back. "Here," he said handing the jacket to her. She took it gratefully, wrapping herself into its warm folds. It smelled like him; pine wood and autumn leaves and stardust. She breathed in: she could have survived on his smell alone given the chance. 

"Go on," Adam said, his blue eyes watching her every move. She gulped. "Adam…" For some reason she couldn't go on. The words stuck in her throat, itching to get out but unable to get out all the same. 

He sighed. He felt like he was fighting a battle that had too many reasons to start for. "Do you want me to tell you something?" he asked her, looking straight into her emerald eyes. Diana stared back and then nodded. 

"I love you." He said softly "So much. And I love Cassie as well. But if I had the choice? I would choose to have never met her and to keep being with you for the rest of my life." He finished with a firm tone, looking into her bewildered happy eyes. "So what do you say to that?" 

Diana looked at Adam for a long time. He waited. She smiled to herself secretly; he had always waited for her. She carefully got up and walked over to sit beside him. She was fully aware that he was following her with his eyes. And she was equally fully aware of the consequences of what she was about to do. But the truth was… 

"I love you," she replied to his unspoken plea. "I always have, and I always will. If we fight, then I'd rather fight with you instead of against or for. If we stand, I'd rather be beside you. And if I have to hurt my best friend, I'd rather she never existed. It's cruel and traitorous and a complete _bitch_ " she spat out the last word with frustration "but it's true. I can't change that and I won't try to." 

He held her close. She lost herself. They were together. That was all that mattered because… because it was the truth. 

And they couldn't ever change that.

* * *

 

 _As we let go, we must hold on…_  

Her garden was flourishing. Grandma's herbs, and her own many flower bushes, all of them sweet-peas or petunias, made the garden beautiful and unique. The light fragrance of her flowers floated about in the air. Her flowers waved their pink petals in the soft breeze, and their leaves danced with them. Cassie kept her eyes trained on the lighter colored veins on the petals and leaves. She didn't want to look at him yet. 

"It's okay," she kept saying over and over again. But Adam kept on persisting. Why? God knew. All she wanted was for him just to stop with his sorry's and his I-love-you’s. 

"Stop it Adam," Cassie said determinedly staring straight into his blue-grey eyes, not holding back any emotions: she let him see her pain, her realization, her love, and her acceptance. She understood. 

"But…" he said sadly. 

"No buts. Just shut up okay? I get it. You love Diana. I knew that already." 

"But I loved you too," Adam said, looking at her pleadingly. She looked back, her eyes doing the questioning. 

"He did," a voice said quietly. Cassie turned around. 

Diana. 

 _Oh Diana how could you do this? I love him…_  

"And I love him too," she said, her green eyes communicating with Cassie's silver-blue ones. _But you betrayed me. And I trusted you…_  

 _I'm sorry_ , she replied, her eyes conveying all her regret and apology, _I did uphold your trust. I didn't want to hurt you, I swear. Oh I love you so much Cassie… But I don't want to give up Adam… I'm so sorry…_  

"You should be," Cassie said, turning away from her best friend to stare at the green leaves of her pink petunias. 

"Cassie…" 

"No Diana. I want you to listen to me." Cassie turned away from the fragile veins she'd been tracing with her eyes to look straight into Diana's green eyes. "When I first met Adam I knew immediately that I would fall in love with him. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously, I knew. And when I came here to find out that he was _yours_ , I backed off. Not because I wanted to, but because I loved _you_. But I somehow knew that even if Adam and I were allowed to be together… I knew that you… and he… you were too…" Sobs shook her body as she bent down, gripping her arms. Tears of all the pain she was hiding broke through and poured down her cheeks. Adam made to go towards her but Diana shook her head in a silent _No_. 

"Cassie…" Those blue eyes looked up accusingly. "I love you Cassie." And she enveloped her best friend with all the love and regret she felt. 

Cassie looked over Diana's shoulder, her tears still spilling over her cheeks, lips, and met Adam's eyes. She felt a soft crackle through their bond. All of a sudden, she had that vision again, just like the first time they met. This time she saw the silver lining as thin as a string of web. It was waving weakly between them, hardly there, just a ghost of the bond that was once as strong as chains. Then she heard him. 

 _I love you Cassie_. Three words. As true and as untrue as the southern winds that had blown the storms on their side. 

 _I love you too Adam_. Same but with acceptance on her side. As she looked into his eyes, eyes that were almost the same color as hers, a face flashed into her mind. A handsome face with dark silver eyes and scorching gaze. A face holding bitter emotion and hurt at her choice. 

Nick. 

 _Nick had gone through this_ , she suddenly realized. When she had chosen Adam over him, he had been the one to feel betrayed and anguished. _But he had stood aside so that I could be with Adam,_ she thought _, He had not stopped loving her, but he had stood aside all the same._  

Why? Why Nick? Why didn't you fight for me? Why did you leave to let _him_ take what you could have? 

 _Because he wanted you to be happy_ , her inner voice echoed. Her eyes widened with realization and shock. _He wanted me to be_ happy _. Is that what I want for Adam and Diana?_  

 _Yes_ , her inner voice said. You love them too much to hurt them by standing in their way of love. _Just as Diana had felt when she found out. And she had stood aside. Can you?_  

 _Can I?_ She asked herself, doubting her strength. 

 _Yes you can_. This time it was Nick's voice that spoke; his strength that held her; his love that led her. And then, she was sure of her decision. 

Cassie gently moved out of Diana's arms. She stood up, drying her tears at the same time. She looked at her best-friend and her… friend. 

"I give you permission. I love you. Just please don't let me down." With that she left; left them to sort out their thoughts in her garden.

* * *

 _  
The happy ending…_  

On the roads were playing two children, a boy and a girl. The girl had fair hair and the boy red. Suddenly, the girl spoke up. 

"We're gonna be best friends forever right Adam?" 

The boy nodded. 

"Yeah, of course, Di. We'll have rocky roads of course, but we're soul-mates. And that means we're meant for each other." The boy spoke with such conviction that the girl was immediately reassured. 

"That's great." 

They grinned at each other. Diana and Adam played on, oblivious to their bond, tighter than ever.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

The sea foamed over the silver sand, glistening almost white in the moonlight. The lone figure settled on the sand stared over the silver waters, contemplation clouding his mind. It had been always like this. But the thoughts that haunted him were new to him, edged with a new passion and grief that he couldn’t determine for he had never felt it before. The sea roared on silently…

Noiseless footsteps sunk into the sand. A breeze tugged and flew through hair, and cooled the forehead. She held her hand to her face, covering her mouth slightly. She was smiling. It was joy that permeated from her, for she reveled in the free romantic ambiance of the moonlit night. Right then, no one could harm her, no one could hurt her feelings, and no one could make her feel unwanted. She reveled in the solitary of the night, relishing in the thought that she was alone and safe, finally.

Her silent footsteps pattered to a stop. The dark figure sat crouched on the sand, staring out unto the sea, not even acknowledging the presence of yet another lonely soul. She stood there, her happiness at her freedom draining out of her. Dismay and sadness mixed with unduly pain and anger flooded into her mind. She cursed in her mind:

Nick.

* * *

 

“Cassandra! Will you wait?” Faye’s annoyed but still lazy drawling voice floated to her. Cassie turned an amused smile on her face. Her friend, Faye Chamberlain, walked up the stairs towards her with a labored breath. She glared at Cassie as she stood there grinning at Faye. “Why… are you… so damned… fast?” panted Faye. Cassie couldn’t blame her; the staircase consisted of fifty-four steps, most steeply cut into the cliff.

“Why do you still insist on calling me Cassandra?” returned Cassie. Faye rolled her eyes as she regained her breath and stood straight to her full stature. She was wearing a black halter top with a long velvety red skirt that seemed to cling to her body and her long black hair was tied up in a high ponytail. She carried a black bag on her back. Faye’s golden eyes glinted mischievously at Cassie.

“No comment,” she rejoined as she passed Cassie. Cassie rolled her eyes at the typical Faye answer. It had been months after the Black John incident, and at least two months after Diana and Adam’s… reunion, and Cassie still hadn’t gotten used to Faye being such an amazing friend to her. Frankly, it shocked her, considering how much of a bitch Faye had been to her the first week she had attended their school.

The two girls walked in companionable silence towards the edge of the cliff, which had crooked metal rails protecting the utmost edge. The grass on the ground was lush and green, and the surrounding foliage was sparse but interesting. Little butter-yellow grass flowers dotted the ground. The ever-present friendly wind whipped around the girls. It was a regular hang-out spot, discovered by Deborah, visited frequently by Faye, Cassie and Deborah. Suzan, the more aesthetically-obsessed make-up artist, was rather too indoor-fond to venture out here with them. Plus, Cassie didn’t feel as close to Suzan as she did to Faye or Deb, surprising as it was.

Faye spread out a red blanket on the ground and sat down, bringing out a book and delving into it, completely ignoring Cassie. Cassie smiled and went to the rails, looking out into the blue. She loved the view from the cliff: the blue of the sky came down, meeting the blue of the sea, but the correspondence of the hues was so similar that it took a few minutes to discern the horizon. She loved it because it felt so free and liberated, with the wind and the height and the open sky. She breathed in deeply and exhaled with a whoosh.

“How’s Conant and my dear cousin?” asked Faye, not taking her eyes off her book. Cassie stiffened for a split second before relaxing and replying with a sigh, “Fine I guess. I haven’t really spent all that much time with them, to tell the truth.” Faye looked up at her sharply.

“You’ve been avoiding them?” Cassie giggled as she went to her friend and sat down across from her.

“No Faye, I haven’t been _avoiding_ them. I just haven’t been spending too much time around them.”

“Sign of weakness,” she said warningly, going back to her book.

“I don’t want to hear it,” responded Cassie, not unpleasantly. All was quiet for a little while until Faye put down her book again.

“How’s Nick been acting?”

“What?” asked Cassie, disconcerted by the question.

“Nick. How did he react to the news?”

“About me and Adam breaking up?”

“Yes Cassie, what else?” she said in a you-are-such-an-idiot voice. Cassie rolled her eyes at her tone.

“He didn’t react. He didn’t do anything.” She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. But Faye, being Faye, noticed.

“Cass… do you still like Nick?”

“I think… yeah I do.”

“Then play up your sparks! You know he likes you, make sure you give him the right hints and…”

“Faye, your pep talk is appreciated but I don’t think it’ll work this time.”

Faye looked at her significantly. “I think you’re starting to look a little crazy.”

“Thanks,” she replied scathingly. Faye rolled her eyes and looked back at the book again.

“Don’t get too crazy, Cass,” she commented before ignoring her and plunging into her book once more. 

* * *

He looked up. She looked down. All was silent. Then he looked away and she sat down beside him, a silent acknowledgement between them. She felt that the quiet was crackling with intensity and awkwardness. He just reveled in her company. She was the first to break the silence.

“Nice night out.” She gestured weakly with a wave of her hand. When he turned to look at her inquiringly, she dropped her hand and fidgeted. His deep voice spoke.

“Beautiful,” he agreed. Almost like you, he finished silently, his eyes taking her profile in, drinking her in, her face, her eyes, her scent. It was a forbidden scent for him.

Even after so long, his voice still managed to send thrills down her spine. She suddenly had a flashback to the first time she met Nick Armstrong, how he had stopped his friends from teasing, the friends who were now some of her best friends. They fell into silence again. This time, the roles were reversed: she stayed quiet and just enjoyed herself, while he fell into a brooding gloom.

“What are you doing here Cassie?” he asked abruptly. She looked at him, her face blank. “Enjoying the night,” she replied. “Why here?” he persisted. She shook her head and looked out at the silver waters.

“Because I love the beach.” And I love you. It wasn’t forbidden.

But she felt it was.

* * *

 

Rub, rub, rub.

Scratch, scratch.

Polish, polish.

The monotony of his movements did little for his raging thoughts. Sweat dropping off his forehead, Nick worked at returning his car to its pristine appearance, working every detail with utmost care. But it wouldn’t help. He stood up straight, wiping his sweat off his forehead. Pulling his arms and stretching them, he flexed his muscles. They felt tired. He felt tired. He just wanted to sleep.

“Um… Nick?” A thousand splinters of ice attacked his nerves. He whirled around in 360° in less than a split-second. For a moment, Nick stared at a summer-dress-wearing Cassie, and she stared at a shirtless, sweaty Nick. As her eyes dropped sneakily down, Nick cleared his throat.

“What? Do you need anything?” He noted silently that if it hadn’t been her, he would have used a more aggravated tone and would have said, “What do you want?” rather than the polite replacement. She seemed flustered as she brought her gaze back up to meet his. Another second was spent in staring into each other’s eyes, cool grey into picturesque blue-gray.

“Ahem,” she cleared her throat nervously and looked away. He didn’t. “I… I actually just wanted to ask if… if… you were… um… coming to the … circle meet??” He sighed inwardly.

“I’m not,” he said tonelessly. She flashed a glance at him.

“Why not?” she asked him.

“Have things to take care of.” Yeah. Like sleeping.

“But…” she frowned. “Why not? You need to party Nick. You look way too tired and sad nowadays.” He grimaced. “I’m not going,” he stated firmly, closing his eyes and turning his back on her. The motion was easy. He now understood how she had done it to him.

“Nick…?”

“What?” His tone was unintentionally sharp. But he was tired, no one could blame him. He could almost see her flinch.

“I…” Her voice trailed off. Nick resisted his curiosity to turn around and see what was on her face. His back muscles flexed nervously. “I’m sorry,” she whispered so softly that he could have sworn he never heard it. When he turned again, she was gone.

He decided to swear he never heard her.

* * *

She waited for a response. She waited in vain. She ducked her head and continued to look to the sea. He did the same. They stayed thus in the cold for at least ten minutes before she involuntarily shivered. He noticed.

“Are you cold?” His tone was expressionless. She shook her head. He sighed inaudibly and began to shrug out of his jacket. She started to protest loudly when he quailed her with a look. He handed her the black jacket. She took it and put it on. Almost immediately, his body warmth drove away the cold, and his scent filled her nostrils. She sniffed curiously and then decided what he smelt like: fresh crushed peppermint leaves, horehound candy – lightly spicy and honey-sweet – and the fresh sharp smell of aftershave. It reminded her faintly of soft violin music and vintage seat covers and candle-light in total darkness.

“It didn’t occur to you,” he now said “to put on a jacket before coming out?”

“I didn’t think of it; I only saw the moon.” It was true; the moon was tugging at her very heart-strings to come into its light and dance. She shivered again.

“Are you still cold?” he asked, a little worriedly. She shook her head.

“I’m not now.” It’s only you who’s making me feel this way.

“Well… good.” She nodded. A question entered her mind.

“Did you hear me then?”

“Hear what?”

“Hear me say…” She knew he knew what she was talking about. He knew she knew that he was trying to evade her. He looked away.

“Nick?” Her voice was tugging at his senses. He didn’t like it. He turned to look at her full in the face and was suddenly blown away by how she looked. Her eyes gleamed blue-silver in the moonlight, and her face looked flush. His gaze locked onto her lips.

“I heard you.”

* * *

Nick felt his knees buckling beneath him. He fell to the ground and sat, kneeling over. For the first time since God knew how long, he let his pain wash over him. He let himself go.

The sound of his sobs scared him.

 

She didn’t realize how much it hurt her when he turned away from her until she replayed it in her mind. She sought solace in her Grandma’s garden. She touched the petals of the flowers and her tears fell onto her lap.

But by then, she was used to her heart breaking.

* * *

“Then why?” Her eyes held betrayal.

His eyes held nothing. No pain, no emotion.

His decision was made.

“I refuse to be heart-broken.”

* * *

Diana found Cassie in her room, staring blankly at the wall opposite her bed. The drapes were drawn across the windows and the room was dark, the only light provided by the dim bed-side lamp. The room was hued dusky-golden, the lamp-light setting the rosy pink curtains, sheets and wallpaper into a dark red. The white furniture stood out in sharp relief in the dark.

“Cassie?” Cassie’s head turned mechanically towards her voice. “Are you okay?” Cassie’s face slowly regained some color as she stepped out of her stiff crouching position and stepped awkwardly onto the floor.

“Di… how did you get in?” Her voice was thick and broken; it alarmed Diana. She stumbled towards her, apparently unsteady on her feet. Diana caught her before she could fall.

“Your mom let me in. Cassie, are you alright?” she asked concernedly as she lead Cassie to the bed. Cassie flopped onto the bed, turning her back to Diana, and stuffing her face into her pillow.

“No.” she said, her voice muffled. “I’m not alright.” Diana sighed and leant to stroke Cassie’s hair. The two girls stayed quiet for a few minutes. Then Diana asked, “Cass is this about Adam and me?” Pause.

“No Di,” said Cassie as she sat up and suddenly glared at Diana. “This is not about you or Adam. As hard as it is to believe, everything isn’t about you or him or you and him. Even harder to believe, people sometimes have bigger problems than you two.” With that, Cassie flopped on her bed, back to her previous position. Diana opened her mouth and then paused. “If you want to say I’m being a bitch, go ahead,” came out Cassie’s muffled voice again. Di sighed again.

“Cassie… Look, I want to understand what’s going on with you, but if you’re still sore about… about us then… that’s understandable. I’ll leave then.” She got up to go.

“No!” Cassie sat up swiftly and grabbed Diana’s wrist. “Stop! Don’t go…” Diana sat back down beside her. She watched the younger girl carefully. Cassie had circles under her eyes and she looked drawn and tired. Diana was shocked that she hadn’t paid any attention to Cassie for so long. She suddenly drew her into a hug.

“I’m sorry for everything Cassie. I never meant things to turn out so badly,” she said softly. Cassie stayed limp in her arms for a few minutes. Then she started to shake.

“Cassie?” Diana asked, alarmed. Cassie started to cry in earnest. Diana let her. They stayed like that, Cassie sobbing, Diana watching and holding her, for an entire half-hour before Cassie choked back her tears.

“What happened?” Diana asked patiently.

“Nick happened.”

“Nick?” Di looked puzzled. Cassie nodded, not making eye-contact. “What about Nick?”

“I…I think I love him Diana.”

“What?!” Now she just looked shocked. Diana had always thought, and known, that Cassie was in love with Adam. Now where did Nick come from? “But… but what about… Adam…?” she asked weakly.

“What about him?” Cassie plucked absent-mindedly at a loose string on her bed. “What? You think I’m still pining over him?”

“I… no… I just…” Diana seemed at a loss for words. Cassie looked at her pityingly as if saying ‘oh you poor dear, how little you know’.

“Diana… I realized a long time back that Adam wasn’t mine. Would never be mine. And at one point, I guess I even mentally accepted that fact. But I insisted on having him all the same.” Cassie looked sadly at Diana, her eyes filling with the sheen of tears again. Diana started to reach for her. “But… in my pursuit of Adam, I just…I forgot about someone else. Someone I treasured but completely forgo-ed. Someone who is still waiting for me. At least I thought he was. But now…” Cassie started to sob again. Diana watched her for a few seconds.

“Are you saying… that, that someone is…? Nick?” Cassie nodded, sniffling. “Oh Cass.” Diana hugged her tightly. “Sweetheart… why not go for him now? If you truly love him?”

“He doesn’t love me anymore Diana. And I don’t blame him. After all, I chose Adam over him.”

“That won’t matter to him. Cassie, you’ve got to believe in him. And you’ve got to believe in yourself. Be brave; risk your feelings to get something more.”

“But… I can’t. I can’t deal with all this heart-ache.”

“Cassie, you’ll never end the heart-ache unless you try. Cassie,” Diana turned her to face her. Cassie looked into her green eyes. “Do you trust me?” She hesitated.

“Yes.”

“Then do what I say and follow your heart. Even if your brain is yelling at you to go right, if you think your heart wants left, even if there’s a cliff, go left. Just believe okay?”

“O-okay…” Diana smiled and let go of her. She got up and went to the door. Just as she was about to go out, she turned slightly.

“And Cassie?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” She left. Cassie smiled, the action painful, but the joy sweet.

“I love you too.”

* * *

She looked at him blankly. He stared back, with the same poker-face. And, as usual as it had become, Cassie felt tears pricking her eyes. She turned away swiftly. One tear squeezed out before Cassie put her hand close to her face to hide the rest.

“What about me?” she asked, her voice choked.

“What about you?” His voice was as impassive as always. Cassie felt a surge of anger and hate towards him. She stood up, looking down at him.

“What about me?! What about all those hours I spent crying over you? What about all those hours I thought we’d never speak again? You might not want to be heart-broken Nick Armstrong, and that’s a sensible thing because you don’t know what it feels like you JERK!!!” Her tears were falling on the sand rapidly, soaking the ground under her feet. Nick stood up so that Cassie had to look up at him.

“I don’t know what heart-break feels like?” he asked in a quiet dangerous voice. “I don’t know? You have no idea what you made me go through Cassie. I loved you, and you threw that away like dirt. You chose Conant. It’s not my fault, nor my problem that you couldn’t keep him: I guess you were too stupid to keep competing.” Cassie gasped.

“This was never a competition.”

“Wasn’t it? Tell me for real Cassie, was there one moment during your relationship with Adam that you felt like you were good enough for him, or as good as Diana was? Was there one moment you didn’t pity yourself? I don’t think so. The thing with you, Cassie Blake, is that you pity yourself and expect others to build a shrine for you and tell you how amazing and beautiful you are. How no one can ever survive without you. I’m sick of that.” His voice held so much venom and bitterness it shocked him. But Nick couldn’t help it. All the jealousy, all the hate, all the anger, and all the hurt came flooding out of him in never-ending torrents. It wasn’t his fault that Cassie was the one who turned on the tap.

Cassie had started to shake. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling cold despite Nick’s jacket. Her tears wouldn’t stop falling. She turned away from Nick, turned her back to him. It hurt her. His words, her actions, everything. She knew that all he said was true. But… to hear it from him…

She bent on the ground, covering her face and letting him see all the pain she’d been holding back. “Cassie?” she heard him say, in a shocked tone. As if he was shocked at himself. Yeah right.

“Cassie?” he said again, this time touching her lightly on her shoulder. Cassie sprang up like an enraged tigress. Her eyes gleamed blue, bluer than the sea. He could see her anger as it palpated from her like a visible aura. She had an ethereal glow about her.

He was awed.

“Don’t touch me. I hate you.” She spat at him furiously. He stood there dumbly for a few minutes, processing her words and her expression. Then his face hardened into a cold armor. He reached for her, a snake-like motion, too fast for her to pull away.

His hands felt like irons over her fore-arms. It hurt. Cassie shouted, trying to struggle but he only tightened his grip. He stepped closer to her, so that their faces were only a few spaces away.

“You don’t know how much I love you Cassie.” He said through gritted teeth. His grey eyes flashed brighter silver, almost white. His lips touched hers.

Something happened. All the anger and hurt that they both had kept locked away, poured out now. They clutched at each other, holding on like they were holding onto lifelines. He could taste her tears on her lips. She tried to pull away; Nick only tightened his arms around her, keeping her locked against his body.

“Please stop…” He pulled away, gazing at her swollen lips.

“Nick.”

“If you can tell me that you don’t love me, that you never loved me, then I’ll leave. I’ll leave and never ever acknowledge your existence. And I can keep that promise Cassie.” His eyes looked at her. She felt… so sad.

“I can’t tell you that.” She said, her lips throbbing slightly. She held up a hand, near to his face, but not touching him.

“I can’t tell you that,” she repeated. “I love you and I made a mistake. I regret that now. I wish I never hurt you Nick. Please believe me.” She pleaded with him. She needed him to believe her.

He looked at her. And he saw the truth in her words.

Cassie gasped as Nick crushed her against him, hugging her closely. He held her so tightly she had slight difficulties with breathing. “I believe you.” She sighed.

The moonlight shone down on them.

* * *

The entire Secret Circle was assembled in Diana’s lounge on Friday. The three leaders had decided that every Friday, they would all meet up somewhere and work on their books together. It was something that they all agreed on: one of the only things they agreed on.

But today had a natural friendly atmosphere about it. Everyone had shown up and they were all doing their individual things. Only two people had yet to come.

“Well, well, well…” Faye drawled as Cassie came in with her new boyfriend, Nick. Cassie blushed but Nick only glared at her coldly. Faye knew Nick well enough to know that the glare was his type of blushing. She laughed. “Finally guys, I almost thought I would have to push you two together myself.”

“Keep your trap shut Faye,” called Diana from the other side of the room. She smiled at Cassie and Nick. They smiled back. Cassie moved her eyes to Adam beside Diana. He was staring at Nick a little warily but then looked at her and caught her eye.

She grinned and he smiled back. He got up to come to Nick. “Take care of her, man.”

“I’ll do it better than you.” Adam struggled to keep his amiable countenance up but it slipped a little. He glared at Nick. Nick glared back. Cassie and Diana looked at them and sighed.

“Some things never change.”

The room filled with laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-posting these old things took a bit of courage and internal nagging, I must admit. But as many mistakes as I can see in them, I don't regret my first ever fan-fiction. They still make an enjoyable read, for me at least.


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